Happy New Year - 2013!!!

I wanted to take a moment to wish you all a very happy new year. I don't know about you, but I was ready to see 2012 come to a close. It was easily the most difficult year I have ever experienced in my life.  And even though it was a tough year (to say the least) I am still able to reflect on some of the good. So instead of looking at the bad, I want to take this opportunity to express the things I am most thankful for in the past year.

1) My PARENTS and IN-LAWS:  

I have to say it doesn't get much better than these two sets of people. They are by far the most loving, compassionate, understanding, and well-meaning people in my life. I thank my lucky stars for the foundation of support that these people provide and for giving me a great compass for how to love and be loved.

2)  KARIN MITCHELL, LAUREN WHITE, and PENNY SLONECKER:

These three people are the people who easily had the biggest impact on me (and Decker) this year. All work at CHOC Hospital and their compassion and love for my son was above and beyond anything I could have ever imagined from health care professionals. I could literally write about these three people for pages and pages, but in an effort to keep this relatively short, I will simply say that I am forever in awe of these three, and I will ALWAYS have a special place for them in my heart.

3) BARBIE TURNER and everyone who came to the OC Walk to Remember:

Nine short days after Decker passed away, my sweet friend, Barbie Turner, managed to organize "Team Decker" for the OC Walk to Remember. In what I am sure she thought would be a small gathering of some of my friends/sorority sisters turned into 150+ people coming together in a sea of blue Super Decker t-shirts (which Barbie also happened to design, take orders, organize and distribute) to celebrate my son's short life. Looking back, I don't think that morning could have been anymore perfect and I am thankful to not only Barbie, but to everybody who came out to support us and Decker.  It was a humbling experience, and one that I will never forget. Thank you!

4) DECKER BYRNE:

My sweet angel who taught me so much about life and love. If I never get another chance to be a mom, I know I will be just fine because in his 15 weeks of life Decker managed teach me a lifetime's worth of  invaluable lessons that I will carry with me forever.  I am so lucky the universe worked its magic and bestowed one of the most special little boys to my care. I am thankful beyond words for every moment I got to share with him. A friend from high school (you know who you are) sent me a butterfly pin with a little saying attached:

"An angel in the book of life 

wrote down your baby's birth 

And whispered

As he closed the book

Too beautiful for this earth"

That little saying makes me sob every time, but it's exactly how I think of Decker and his short life. And even though I would do anything to have Decker back in my arms, I choose to simply be grateful. I am a better human being for him gracing me with the gift of of motherhood, for getting to know his charismatic ways, and for allowing me to love every fiber of his being.

5) Last but certainly not least, KEVIN BYRNE:

My husband is most certainly the person I am most thankful for after this difficult year. After nearly 14 years together, I can say I feel like I truly know him now. That may sound strange, but I don't know if you can ever truly know someone until you have faced great adversity together (and I think an infant death qualifies). At the hospital they kept telling us that we need to seek counseling immediately because there is a super high percentage of couples that get divorced after losing a child.  I have to say, that I couldn't feel closer or more connected to Kevin through everything we've experienced. I don't think I ever truly realized the importance choosing the right person to marry until this past year. I couldn't be anymore amazed at his strength and his constant support. And no matter who I explain this past year to, the only person who will ever know what we really went through is him.  He stood beside me every step of the way and carried me when I wasn't strong enough myself. Not to mention, he was a fantastic hands-on father. Watching him with Decker in any capacity was my absolute favorite thing in the world. I love Kevin beyond words and am so exceptionally thankful that we are taking this journey of life together.

There are many other big and small things I could list, but those are my top five and a good stopping point. I know in 2013 I am looking forward to continued healing, spending time with family and good friends, and to enjoying life because it is definitely too short. I wish each and every one of you a happy and prosperous 2013!

************************

Post Script: After my last blog post about "Fifty Shades of Grey" I am also thankful to find out there are other people out there that did not like those books. I thought I was alone in my opinion, and it's always nice to hear that you are not alone. Thank you to all who shared their opinion with me on my Facebook page. MUCH APPRECIATED!  :)