15 Weeks, 1 Day

15 weeks and 1 day....15 weeks and 1 day...That is etched into my brain for the rest of my life because Decker lived for 15 weeks and 1 day. Today, Foster is 15 weeks and 2 days old. Officially, my baby is older than his big brother, and that is a VERY strange feeling.  Mostly this post is going to be about parenting and a few observations that I have made to date. Fully realizing that my experience as a parent has been largely different than most everybody I know, I still have a few thoughts/experiences to share.

Opinions are like assholes - EVERYBODY has got one. When you have a child, everybody feels like it's their duty to tell you their opinion(s) and how you should be doing things, or more specifically what you are doing (or did do) wrong.  It's really ridiculous. And the most offensive people tend to be the other mommies of the world. I feel like mommies should band together and support each other. That really is soooooo not the case. I am constantly shocked at how judgemental other mommies are of each other.

Example #1: Method In Which You Give Birth

There seems to be a growing swell of women that feel the need to constantly remind you that they had their baby "naturally".  Hey, I think it's awesome if you want to birth your child the old fashioned way for whatever your reasons (eg: modern medicine is evil, "this is how women have birthed children for thousands of years", you're a hippie, you think it's better for you and/or the baby, etc., etc. etc) but please SHUT UP about it.  I want to stress that not ALL women who have babies the "natural" way are like this, but there a lot of them out there that are worse then born-again-Christians. They constantly feel the need to preach to you about their experience and why it is the ONLY way to have a baby. Well guess what girls? It's not the only way to have a baby and don't let ANYONE make you feel guilty about how you choose (or perhaps don't choose) to have a baby. Having a baby naturally does NOT mean you deserve a metal, nor does it make you a better mother. It simply means you are going to feel pain...and a lot of it.

For the record, I had two emergency c-sections and I had no choice either time. I will share my very abbreviated story about the birth of Foster with you.

I had been having intermittent pain in my lower abdomen for about three weeks prior to Foster's birth. I had discussed it with my OB, had done all kinds of research on the Internet, and basically had chalked it up to my body preparing for labor since I was still seven weeks away from my due date. My OB is awesome and was totally on board with me trying a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) and so I was getting prepared mentally.

On July 7, 2013 about 11:15pm I had a contraction that literally brought me to my knees. I was crying and screaming. It. Was. Awful. After taking way too long to get through my OB's call exchange, Kevin got me dressed, into the car, and to Hoag Hospital. BTW, want to know how long that contraction lasted? 20 freaking minutes! I've only had one contraction in my entire life, but that one was long enough and painful enough to know I never want to feel another one of those again....EVER!

Once in the hospital, I got hooked up to the fetal monitors and when I started have CRAZY pain again (although this time not a contraction), and the baby's heart rate decelerated, they rolled me right into the OR and got Foster out in about 30 seconds.  And do you want to know what they saw? They saw that my previous c-section incision was wide open and that I had birthed Foster internally. He was free-floating in my abdominal cavity. Yes, you read that correctly! Yes, it is incredibly rare.  Yes, it is incredibly dangerous for both mother and baby. And yes, we are incredibly lucky we were at the hospital at the precisely the right time where this story turns out with a happy ending. PHEW!!!!

The reason I tell this story is because for all intents and purposes I had a "natural" c-section. So I say SUCK IT to all you natural birthing moms that feel superior. It's ridiculous to think that what works for one woman will work for another. So please get off your soapbox and let other women do what they think is right for their own bodies and their own babies. If at any point someone wants your opinion, they will ASK you for it. Until then, SHUT UP!

Example #2: Breastfeeding vs. Formula

This may be one of the single most divisive topics out there in the world of parenting. I think based on all of the studies out there that it is safe to say that the best food for a baby is breast milk. With that being said, not everybody can or even wants to breastfeed for a large variety of reasons - ALL of which are valid and are OK. Giving your baby formula doesn't mean you are a bad mother or that your baby isn't going to grow up to be an intelligent, healthy and/or happy person. I seriously know someone who had a La Leche breastfeeding consultant tell them that their child wouldn't go to college if they didn't breastfeed their baby. SERIOUSLY?!?!  I would have not so politely asked that crazy-bitch to remove herself from my hospital room immediately.

I have been lucky in the fact that my body produces a good amount of milk. I wasn't able to breastfeed Decker - but I did pump my milk for his feedings for all 15 weeks and 1 day of his life. And with Foster, other than his one brief breastfeeding strike he went on, things have been pretty smooth sailing. He's a cooperative baby with a good latch. Plus, I do wholeheartedly believe in the health benefits. I am a stay-at-home mom so I have the time to commit to the task. Lastly, I am cheap. I can't see paying for formula when my body makes it easily for free. But I can tell you, I don't feel superior to other mothers just because I breastfeed.  Furthermore, I think it is downright shameful when anybody that breastfeeds tries to "save" the mother who is using formula.

I've heard woman say they would rather buy breast milk from other women because they would NEVER feed their baby formula. That is fine stance to have for YOUR baby; however, there is no need to shame other women who have a differing view.  And for the record, some of these breastfeeding Nazis are the same women who have said they would buy breast milk from random people over the Internet before they ever gave their child formula. Ummmmmmmmm, come again? You are so worried about the health of your child that instead of buying breast milk from a breast milk bank (where they screen the mothers and test the milk for purity) you would rather find a random person on Craiglist or on an Internet chat room to order up some milk from what could be a person with a variety of issues: IV drug user, smoker, HIV positive, someone with poor hygiene, has STD(s), someone who boozes it up as they pump, etc. etc. etc.???  Here is one of the only times I will judge another mother because you are just being irrational. Please spend the extra cash and go through a breast milk bank. I beg you. Crap, if you know me, I will pump and give you my breast milk (I can prove that I am clean, healthy, non-boozer, non-drug user, with no communicable diseases). Let's try and be level-headed here girls. There is no sense in risking your child's life on a total strangers breast milk just to circumvent formula when there are SAFE options out there.

And then there are the people that are anti-breastfeeding and are totally pro-formula. I have the same complaints with these people. It's not your body or your baby so why do you care how someone chooses to feed their baby. Sheesh!

Once again I will repeat this: It's ridiculous to think that what works for one woman will work for another. So please get off your soapbox and let other women do what they think is right for their own bodies and their own babies. If at any point someone wants your opinion, they will ASK you for it. Until then, SHUT UP!

Example #3: Demand Feeding/Attachment Parenting vs. Scheduled Feeding/Parent Directed Household

I could generally care less about how you choose to feed or rear your child until you constantly complain about your method and then tell me that mine is WRONG. I will LOUD and PROUD tell you that we use the "On Becoming Babywise" book. I love the "parent directed household" approach. I love the schedule while using your common sense and flexibility approach. I love the scientific evidence it illustrates regarding fore-milk and hind-milk (full feedings vs. snack feedings) and the link between that and a baby that can/will sleep through the night. I happen to mention this book in a Facebook post recently, and I got SEVERAL e-mails from a variety of people. Some e-mails were informative, some were people that the same book worked for them, and some were just people being judgmental. Look, if you want to feed your kid 24 times a day and NEVER sleep through the night - have at it. But don't tell me I am doing it wrong because my child and I are well rested and happy. It's hard to take anybody seriously when they are the one who is constantly complaining about their own method.

I am here to tell you that this book worked for us. It may or may not work for you. It may or may not be the right method for you. I suggest if you are having baby to research and read about different methods and start by trying the one that you think will work best for your family. The one you choose may work perfectly off the bat. It may need some tweaking to get it to work for you. Or perhaps, you have to abandon ship and try a different method altogether. Whatever you do, just know that it will be the right choice for you, your baby and your family. And at the end of the day, that is all that really matters. DO NOT let anyone make you feel guilty for your decision. 

For the third and last time in this post: It's ridiculous to think that what works for one woman will work for another. So please get off your soapbox and let other women do what they think is right for their own bodies and their own babies. If at any point someone wants your opinion, they will ASK you for it. Until then, SHUT UP!

So that's my parenting commentary for now. That's 15 weeks and 2 days worth of observations. I am sure I will have LOTS more as I continue to watch Foster grow-up. In the meantime, I hope that people focus a little more on themselves, and less on what other people are doing wrong in their parenting style. If not, they just might end up on my blog in the future. So please just try and support one another -  especially all you mommies out there. Let's try to be on the same team, even if our methods differ. 

Please do me a favor...

Today is Decker's "Angel Birthday".  It has been one year since our little darling grew wings and joined the heavens. I had never heard the term "Angel Birthday" before I lost my son, and I still so desperately wish I had no reason to know or understand what that term meant. What I do know is that Decker's death will forever be a defining moment in my life. It was....correction, IT IS the most soul shattering and devastating event that I imagine I will ever experience (knock on wood). But from that loss, I know I am forever a better person, wife, friend, and mother to Foster because I knew and loved Decker. And I guess, there are worse things that could have come out my son's death then a better perspective and clarity on life and love.

While Decker's death was a defining moment for me, it is not all that I am now. So as I reflect on this past year without Decker, I have decided that I would like to ask any of you out there that may be reading this blog one small favor???  Can each of you make an effort to stop describing me as your:

Friend, Colleague, Former-Colleague, Friend from High School, Friend from College, Girl I Rowed With, Girl I Played Volleyball With, Sorority Sister, etc., etc. etc, .....WHO LOST HER SON.

Think about it. Have you ever thought about how people describe you? I am not quite sure exactly how people described me before Decker's death, but I know most of you now describe me now by indicating how you know me and that I recently lost my son. I don't blame you. I think I would probably do the same thing if I were in your shoes. But since I am not in your shoes, I guess I would just really appreciate it if we could just drop the "lost her son" thing.  I've had my fill of kind and well-intentioned sympathy words, sad looks, people walking on eggshells or generally just acting awkward around me. I'd rather just be me (in whatever form you used to describe me as) and meet your family and/or friends as a normal woman instead of them thinking of me as a grieving mother. 

I promise you all that this is not in an effort to forget Decker. I swear I talk about Decker daily and when people see me out and about with Foster and ask me if he is my first, I always reply that Foster is my second. That's all I will say. I won't offer up that I had a son that passed away (I am not looking to create an awkward situation with a stranger), but if they link together the right line of questioning after I have been vague, I don't shy away from mentioning Decker and that he passed away. While it may be easier for me to just fail to mention him, I think not acknowledging his life is disrespectful to his memory. So don't worry that I am trying to distance myself from memories or experiences with Decker. I assure you I think about him and celebrate him EVERY SINGLE DAY.

In any event, if you can grant me my one small request it would be GREATLY appreciated.  

Moving on....I hope to blog more soon. I have been a little busy with this new baby, Foster!!! Speaking of Foster, he is AWESOME! I hope I am not overwhelming everybody on Facebook and Instagram with my almost daily picture updates. We are just so happy to have this little miracle in our lives that I want to share him and our joy with everybody. 

Thanks for reading. 

XOXO

Happy 1st Birthday Decker Stephen Byrne

Wow! I can't believe I haven't posted since February.  My absenteeism certainly was not because of a lack of things to say, but just being in a general funk. Warning: this blog entry is written for my own therapy and might be a bit intense....you've been warned.

I thought today, June 13, 2013, was a good day to make my blog comeback as today would have been Decker's first birthday (and is my Mom's 65th birthday). I cannot believe an entire year has gone by since Decker's birth. It feels like the LONGEST year of my life and also the shortest. I know what I just wrote probably makes absolutely no sense to anybody out there that may be reading this, but there is no other way to describe it. I have learned that mourning the loss of a child has no rules and no time-tables. That my mood shifts drastically day-to-day, hour-to-hour, and sometimes minute-to-minute. That the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) fluctuate as swiftly as my moods and that I never know what will trigger a full blown melt down. I keep waiting for the 'old Shannon' to reappear, but am slowly realizing that the 'old Shannon' may not exist anymore. And on top of it all, I am pregnant (for those of you that don't already know), so throw some of those crazy pregnancy hormones into the mix of things and there are days I don't know if leaving the house is possible, let alone getting out of bed. Fun stuff, huh?

So to give you a little back story on the pregnancy....I found out I was pregnant on Thanksgiving day (November 22, 2012). For those of you not keeping track, that is less than two months after Decker's passing. My reaction to a positive pregnancy test (which I took on a whim because my stomach felt a little off) was a feeling similar to the wind being knocked out of me followed by hysterical sobbing. Not the reaction you think I would have?  What I have learned is that a lot people just don't seem to understand that having another baby is not going to replace the hole in my heart left by Decker.  And to say that Kevin and I were not ready to get back on the roller coaster of pregnancy/parenthood would be a major understatement. Seriously, years of trying to get pregnant followed by a miscarriage and then an infant death, we definitely had discussed throwing in the towel in regards to having children. And of course, neither one of us believed this new pregnancy would take. I mean, our luck thus far has been pretty dismal. We've just had to sit back and watch and wait every passing day and hope that things will turn out alright.......we are still waiting. Neither one of us will be able to breathe a single sigh of relief until a healthy baby boy is in our arms. Seven weeks, 3 days to go....but who's counting, right?

It has been exponentially more difficult to mourn the loss of Decker while pregnant and today being Decker's birthday is the perfect example of why it's so much harder. Today I should be throwing a first birthday party and seeing my little darling cram his fists into a smash cake with our family and friends around to watch.  I am having a really hard time not being bitter. While I think I try very hard to be positive, today is just a day where I just would like to scream "WTF" to the universe and give it a big punch in the face. Today is a big reminder of all of the firsts that Decker won't get to experience and that Kevin and I won't get to enjoy watching.  And I am utterly heartbroken that Baby Boy Byrne #2 (no, we still don't have a name for the baby) won't get to meet his older brother.

So the long and short of this entry is that today is a little more challenging for me than most.  I knew it would be, but that doesn't make it any easier. In any event. I still want to wish my darling Decker a very Happy 1st Birthday.
We miss you and love you so very much.

The Kardashians...BARF!!!

As indicated in my last post, this newest blog is all about the Kardashians. Up front I want you to know this is not a positive piece on these people, so if you like them, you just may want to stop reading now.

To start, WHY EXACTLY ARE THESE LOSERS FAMOUS?

Let's recap:

Kim Kardashian was a quasi fashion stlyist for Paris Hilton who then made a sex tape with a D-list celebrity, Ray J....

Have any of you seen the sex tape? I have seen approximately 2 minutes and 30 seconds of it (that's how much I could find for free on the internet). Let me tell you, this is not some amateur sex tape where the video camera is just set on a shelf in the corner of the room. Kim Kardashian is in full make-up, hair done and fancy lingerie.  Some thought seems to have gone into the soft lighting, and while there is obviously some editing, the camera is moved around and is narrated by Ray J. This in my humble opinion was a premeditated sex tape for the purpose of "leaking" to the public. And I further speculate that Kim's mother, Kris Jenner, was either behind the "leak" and/or the entire sex tape idea was hers to begin with.  Either way, Kris Jenner is brilliant business woman/manager because she was able to launch talentless Kim into a HUGE career (like Kim is now worth $100 million dollars HUGE). Too bad Kris Jenner's brilliant business sense is only for whoring out her own children...literally!

In any event, this sex tape was able to make the world interested enough in Kim Kardashian that a reality show revolving around her and her family a complete success.  I avoided this show for several years, but since E! has a marathon almost every weekend, I'll admit that I have unfortunately gotten sucked into watching these idiots on a weekend or two. And watching them on TV is where my hatred for these people was born. I just DO NOT understand what the appeal or interest is in these people must be.  To me they all seem like the most shallow, vapid, whiny, narcissistic people on the planet. 

And can we please talk about their constant use of the word, "bible"!!!! (If you don't know what I am talking about, the Kardashians use the word "bible" to indicate they are telling the truth). I want to SCREAM every time I hear them use that word.  I mean, not that I am a religious person, but Jesus should literally strike those people dead for their use of that word. Have you ever seen/heard a group of people who should use that word less? I mean let's do a little rundown:

1) Mom is an admitted cheater (with quality people like OJ Simpson)

2) Kim makes sex tape

3) Kourtney gets knocked-up not once but twice by her boyfriend

4) Robert at one point thought he had knocked up some chick

5) Kim gets knocked up by her boyfriend when she is not even divorced from her husband of 72 days!

I mean....WTF? I am just saying that these people are so far away from the "bible" it's almost comical. And because it doesn't quite meet the threshold to be comical, it is just SAD!

Shall I continue? I think I shall...
So I caught a marathon on the season where Kim is actually married to Kris Humphries. I feel bad for the dude.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think Kris Humphries has two brain cells to rub together, but I do honestly believe he was a pawn in Kris Jenner's master plan to make money and advance the fame of her loser brood.  Further, I have been reading how Kim is crying to the media that Kris Humphries is making it very difficult for her to obtain a divorce. I say, "GOOD FOR YOU KRIS!"  I hope he makes the divorce proceedings as slow and painful as possible for Kim. I hardly feel sorry for her after she used Kris for their sham of a 72 day marriage and then got knocked up by Kanye before finalizing her divorce from Kris.  It's all so totally lame!

Also, whatever was going on during that same season (when Kris and Kim are married) made Kourtney Kardashian's long time boyfriend, Scott Disick, look like the good guy. And if you can make Scott Disick look like the voice of reason, then the world must literally be coming to an end because that guy is one of the biggest blow-hard, douche-bags on the planet.
**Side note to Kourtney and Scott: If you can dress your son up in $600 worth of Burberry toddler clothes, then perhaps you could afford $10 to get your son a freaking hair cut! Why has Mason ALWAYS had a mullet? Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!

And lastly, I am going to BARF if I hear another person say, "The seem like a really close-knit family." Ummmmm....open up your ears people! I have never heard a group of people speak so horribly to each other. I can understand/appreciate that families fight, but those Kardashians take it to whole new level of offensive on a regular basis when they speak to each other. It's just plain awful.

Again I ask, WHY ARE THESE LOSERS FAMOUS???

A little bit of cleaning HEAVEN!

Since my last post was a RANT of sorts, I figured I would make this entry a RAVE of sorts. I will attempt to  keep things balanced between the positives and the negatives. It's a delicate balancing act, just like life! (Have no fear if you happen to enjoy my more negative rants....my next blog is going to be a doozy about the Kardashians...Watch out - HA!)

When my friends ask me, "Who cleans your house?"

"I do!" I always respond.

You should see the looks of horror sweep across their faces.

I strangely like cleaning the house.  I mean, not ALL the time. But for the vast majority of the time I actually find it rather relaxing. Plus, there is nothing I enjoy more than a tidy house. I think it helps me keep sane.  When things are messy, I find I get anxious and antsy. It's like a cluttered house clutters my brain. I am sure there are some OCD components to how I feel, but whatever. It's nothing I need to get medicated about, so I can deal with it. I figure there are worse things to be addicted to than a clean house!

Anyway, there is one device that has literally revolutionized my life and I thought it was worth sharing with you today.  I L-O-V-E the iRobot Romba! It's thorough vacuuming with less effort. We happen to have two Roombas. We keep one in our bedroom, and one downstairs.  The Roomba downstairs is the Pet-Series model that we have set on a timer so it runs every morning around 2am.  It's done and re-docked itself by 4am and I wake up to fresh vacuum lines everyday. All I have to do is clean out the filter every two days or so. It does carpet and hard surfaces. Easy-peasy!

The Roomba we keep in our room I will run sporadically as I see fit. Most the time, I will just turn it on when I leave the house to run errands. When I get back from running errands I have a beautifully vacuumed bedroom. And nothing makes this little woman feel better than house cleaning that gets completed while I am out getting other things done. That my friends is efficiency at its finest! 

Now the one drawback is they are rather expensive. I've seen them listed for as much as $699.99! I bought one of ours at Best Buy on sale (for around $300) and the other at Costco (for about $250), but both have been worth every penny.  It helps me not have to lug around my Dyson vacuum nearly as often. 

Anyway, if you have wondered about if these work, I am here to tell you they work really well and I would recommend to virtually everyone I know.  And if you still have doubts and you have a friend that owns one, I recommend borrowing theirs and giving it a try for yourself. I have yet to meet a person that doesn't love their iRobot Roomba!

WTF is up with the BABY ON BOARD signs?

Can we please discuss these "Baby On Board" signs?!?!  I suddenly am seeing these signs hanging in the back of cars at an increasing and alarming rate. Let me tell you why I have such issue with these confusing little signs:

1) It's NOT 1985!  Seriously, these signs were popular in the mid-80's and that is where they should stay...where they are just a funny pop-cultural reference we can all make fun of. 

2) I was about seven years old when these signs became popular.  I remember being confused at the age of seven as to the what the intended message of these signs were supposed to be communicating - just as I am as confused now. I suspect that these signs are to caution surrounding drivers that they should try and be extra safe while driving around the car of the person that has the "Baby On Board" sign displayed because their baby is considered to be precious cargo.  WTF?!?!  Have you ever driven around these people with these stupid sign on their cars?  In my experience they are the biggest a-holes on the road. I swear almost EVERY time I get cut off it's by one of these "Baby On Board" drivers.  So basically they want me to take caution driving around them, but they can drive like total lunatics? I am about one step away from taking pictures of these people's cars (license plate and all) and shaming them by posting them on my blog. Seriously, I know they think their child is the most important thing in the world, but I think I am precious cargo too and would prefer not to be killed by crazy mom/dad in their minivan! 

3) I recently discovered a friend of mine (who by request will remain unnamed) has one of these signs hanging in the back of her car. Friend, I love you....but I now think you are a crazy a-hole driver who instead of cautioning the rest of the world to drive safely around you and your child, should perhaps take a closer look at your own driving skills. I have a feeling that's where much of the danger on the road may be! (P.S. I still love you unnamed friend; however, the next time we go somewhere together, don't be offended when I insist on driving).

Has anybody else seen a strange resurgence in these signs and/or seeing similar driving from these "Baby On Board" people??? 

New TV is FINALLY back and I am especially excited for the new season of the The Biggest Loser. I love this show! I could watch people work out ALL day. No seriously, I feel like I somehow burn calories through osmosis (or something) just by watching these obese people get there asses kicked. And yes, I do realize that is not how things actually work, but a girl can dream, can't she???

I know and have known many people that get completely inspired by this television program. They spend their time during the commercials of the show doing sit-ups, push ups, lunges, etc.  Oh man, I wish this show caused that same sense of dedication to working out in me. Instead it creates the exact OPPOSITE reaction. I literally find myself saying things like:

"Wow! Those people are really obese. Things could be WAY worse for me. Let's order a pizza!"

-or-

"Sure I could probably eat better and exercise more, but look at these people. I mean these last few pounds I bitch about are really just vanity pounds. Want to go get ice cream?"

You probably think the above statements are exaggerated, or that perhaps I am kidding? Ask my husband, I have literally said those statements or say something similar  almost every time I watch a new episode. Which leads me to believe it would actually be beneficial to my health to STOP watching the show. Instead I guess I should be forced to watch a Victoria Secret Fashion Show over and over again.  Perhaps I need to compare myself to emaciated super models in order to get motivated because the super obese just aren't working for me!

OK, so back to the show...sort of. You know how by the end of the show the contestants look soooo much better, but they still are kind of flabby because their skin is all stretched out from being 400 pounds? Well I have an idea for a spin-off show. How about you take people that aren't obese, but could stand to lose some "vanity" pounds. Or maybe even do a show for women who want to get in shape after having a baby.  Either way, I think it would be amaze-fest to see a show where the people end up looking smoking hot. I mean, I realize that the voting stuff would need to be tweaked, but I think it would be fun to shake things up and see the trainers with people that aren't starting from such a deep hole of unhealthiness.  Not to mention, I would TOTALLY try out for that show. And I would TOTALLY pick Jillian as a trainer because she would HATE me so much. I am such a wuss, and I need her to kick my ass. Plus, my husband is mildly in love with Jillian (somebody besides me really needs to explain to him that she is gay and will never run off with him) so he would really enjoy watching Jillian make me cry!

In any event, I will continue to watch and love every glorious minute of the show even if my health suffers.